New talent alert.
This kid absolutely slays me. Had me laughing out loud several times with his, er, entries.
I can only imagine the accidental nightmares I’d endure if it were as easy to find girls on CL as it is to find guys.
This dirty sex blog now has more followers than my blog about the rest of my life.
This is Marie.
Remember when I said I would never post anyone’s name, photo, etc.? There’s a reason I’m breaking that promise now.
Marie responded to a “casual encounters” post I made on some boring afternoon. I am properly ashamed to admit that my post self-identified me as a HIPSTER but after all it’s the quickest way to attract the attention of any hipster/ish girls who might be reading the ads. This ad is only a few sentences long but, slightly re-worded each time, it has helped me meet and immediately hook up with two different girls in the past (one of those stories is worth telling here sometime, the other probably not).
Marie sent me the above photo and I wrote back (like, duh, she’s obviously cute, particularly for a “casual encounters” respondent) but she didn’t reply to me again until midnight. I was chilling in every sense by that time, reclining by the air conditioner with beer in hand, and I considered not writing back that night. But I did, and as we exchanged brief messages she told me she was “feeling antsy” to go out and convinced me to meet her at a bar roughly between our respective ‘hoods. Why not? She looked quite attractive, she was anxious to meet me, and behind the meeting was the unspoken understanding that sex that night was a possibility.
Once I entered the bar, I quickly realized two things.
1) That girl pictured above is not Marie.
2) There is no Marie.
I had a good date on Friday. As you might expect, it was less funny than a bad date but more fun.
It was with another girl whose “casual encounters” post I responded to. I think that’s how I’ve met/hooked up with the last 3 CL girls I’ve met, which makes me feel pretty good - out of the undoubtedly 100+ responses they received, they chose me. And I wasn’t expecting much from this latest meeting, first of all because her original posting was titled something like “hang out today” and she didn’t write back to me until 2 days later.
The content of her post was brief, maybe two lines, basically saying “I’d love to have someone come over and go down on me today.” It passed my spam-senses, probably because she listed the location as my former stomping grounds, a major hipster neighborhood. When I write to girls who post in casual encounters I never say anything explicit in my emails. I might go so far as to say “I liked what you wrote” but mainly I just introduce/describe myself and send my photo. If she’s attracted enough to write back to me, I assume we both know where this is headed if we agree to meet up.
But like I said, I wasn’t sure if this meeting would even happen. We exchanged brief emails for a week, “how was your weekend” etc. and she eventually sent me a photo. It looked like a glamour shot, maybe even a photo of a photo. It was only a face shot but I inferred from it (and, realistically, past CL experience) that she was a bigger girl. No problem with that. Her face was very pretty, too. She still didn’t seem real excited to meet, though. We talked on the phone early in the week and she told me she was working on a photo project on Friday (this is her major, explaining the fancy picture of herself) so I said she should call me afterward if she wanted to hang out. Her response was “okay.” Not an excited “okay,” either.
Fast-forward to 11 p.m. on Friday. I’m sitting home alone debating whether to crack a 40 and watch DuckTales on Youtube until I get sleepy.
How much do we want people to know about our online dating/Craigslist lives? Online dating has less of a stigma these days. It’s gone mainstream. It’s the premise of sit-com episodes. Your friends do it, probably even a lot of the ones who don’t talk about it.
Craigslist isn’t quite up there with eharmony and Match, of course. It’s still the midnight country of internet dating, and I can’t say the reputation isn’t deserved. The anonymity encourages or at least allows weirdness, prostitution, etc. (I’m remembering Chris Rock’s description of community college here: “Drug dealers, prostitutes, everybody come on in!”) So people aren’t as forthcoming in discussing CL dating in the light of day. And certainly not the “casual encounters” category.
Lord knows I don’t. That’s kinda the point of this blog. Who else am I ever going to tell these stories to? As I gain more followers (thanks to all of you, incidentally - the more I get the more encouraged I am to keep writing) the more I see many of you are fellow intrepid recorders of CL dates/encounters. We’re not the weirdos. If anything, we’re the rational representatives of CL dating (but no I don’t wanna appear in any TV commercials for it anytime soon).
Some people, however, want to drag CL dating into the harsh, judgmental light of day. Should they?
Sometimes shit just goes haywire. At this point my CL dates are pretty consistently successful as long as the girl didn’t send me misleading photos before we met in person. But yeah, sometimes… back in January I had a date go sour, not the oddest thing in the universe. Except that I can’t explain why it happened.
I responded to a “w4m” posting that was kinda unusual itself. I liked that, of course. Here’s how it began: “I am a tiny brunette chick with a serious abnormality that extends itself into many realms not excluding food, sex, drugs, interpersonal relationships etc, etc. Seriously.”
However, this turned out to be strictly bullshit. Yeah, this was one of those “social experiment” CL posts (zzz) from someone who fancies themselves a writer (ahem). But apparently this girl’s friend told her she should meet me, so we planned to get together at my neighborhood bar later in the week.
Aside: I am not taking dates to this bar anymore. I’ve always known how lazy it is to get people to meet you close to your place but if I’m making the plans I’m willing to suggest it (not in those terms, naturally). I don’t mind going across the city to meet girls either. But I think it’s too easy to get into a “date routine” if you’re in the same place repeatedly, and that means you lose your edge. Also the wait staff might think I’m an asshole after they see me there with like 8 different girls.
Clear your history.
Internet venues through which I have met girls:
- IRC (1)
- Yahoo Personals (1)
- Friendfinder.com (1) [editor’s note: haha]
- AOL Personals (1)
- AOL chatrooms (5?)
- OKCupid (3)
- MySpace (1)
- Craigslist (lots!)
This covers ~10 years so there are some other stories worth telling in there (probably some I can’t even recall at the moment), but back in the day I was less attractive, had no game to speak of, and was not even that Good At The Internet. Of course internet hook-ups were still kind of an emerging technology for all of us back then, but I conclude that if you can’t talk to girls anyway, the internet isn’t going to make it much easier for you - at least, not once you meet in person and want to fuck them or date them or whatever your goal may be.
The arc of my successes in terms of both non-internet girls picked up as well as internet girls met/gone out with more than once/hooked up with rose together. I guess that’s not surprising. But there was certainly a paradigm shift in 2007 where I suddenly knew what the hell I was doing, and while I’m not (and have no interest in being) a guy who’s trying to bang anything that moves and bragging about it, I went from little action to easy access in a short time. Also the girls got hotter.
If this still sounds like bragging, maybe I can offset it with a future post about, um… disappointing girls.
Missed Connections, Part 2
I’m back to a phase of not really wanting to meet any CL girls right now — I think it’s more a function of boredom than horniness in most cases, and I’d rather work on, you know, productive stuff right now rather than internet dates. Yeah, I will probably be back to browsing CL soon enough (spring fever, anyone?) but until then I’ve got plenty of stories to look back on.
It’s time to continue my tales of “missed connections,” those surprisingly, relatively effective posts for and from strangers who were maybe interested in each other but had no other way of finding each other again. The dynamic is completely different from the dating ads; a missed connection is still a stranger, but it’s someone you at least saw/”met” out in the real world. I wonder what percentage of crossover there is in people using one part of the site but not the other. Do some people who have no interest in “online dating” still optimistically post their missed connections?
Of course, some connections are missed for a reason. You read about the one I met. Here are two I didn’t.
Take one down, pass it around.
I tell myself often not to get drunk on dates. Sometimes I even listen. Drinking on dates = good, drunkenness = bad, because only bad things can happen, including but not limited to:
- fucking someone I don’t actually like much
- inability to fuck someone I do like
- having to travel a long way home either still drunk or hung over
- spending mad $$$ (if at a bar)
I suffered two, maybe two-and-a-half of these consequences for getting drunk last night.
I was meeting the third CL girl who I wrote about a couple days ago. She did send me additional photos that night but I guess she didn’t understand that I wanted to see more than her face. Only one of the photos showed her body, and that only from the waist up. Past experience has taught me that from the waist down is where things can go desperately wrong even if you are expecting “a bigger girl,” as she described herself. So all I could really tell from the lone half-body shot was that she was moderately chunky yet also had smallish boobs (sigh). At least her face was pretty cute.
I agreed to meet her at a new hipster bar in my old neighborhood at 7. Definitely too early for a bar date but if I decided to bail I knew I could meet another girl (the second one I wrote about in that same previous post) across town at 11. The reason 7 is too early for bars is not just that bars are pretty dead at that time (though quieter/easier to converse in) but it gives you way too much time to sit there and get way too drunk.
On the line.
I have been talking with 3 girls from CL recently to the point where we have agreed to meet. The macho thing to say would be that I plan to fuck all of them but I realize that for various reasons — my own laziness, in particular — that probably won’t happen.
I responded to the first girl’s post about 7 weeks ago, chatted for awhile and then lost touch. But I emailed her again recently, we chatted online, and she sounded very interested in getting together. She was a “casual encounters” poster, so obviously a good bet for immediate sex (compared to “women for men” posters). She asked if I wanted to hang out this Sunday but I was busy. Of course, I would have met her, and would have done it 7 weeks ago for that matter, if she were very attractive. After seeing a few photos it’s really borderline though - while I generally give people the benefit of the doubt (sometimes to my detriment) in believing that they look better than their photos, I know I wouldn’t be into her if she looks any worse than what I’ve seen. I might still risk a meeting under these conditions except that she lives outside the city - a major pain in the ass. If we hang out in the city and drink in the evening I might be stuck with her spending the night at my place. Too risky, I think. I am not desperate.
Missed Connections, Part 1
I can’t recall how I first heard about Craigslist but I do know what I first used it for: finding an apartment in the city. Soon after, I found a job on the site too. (On the Great Plains of the Internet, CL is to me what the buffalo was to the Indians.) But it was the “missed connections” section of CL that captured my imagination: a site dedicated to the millions of “damn, I should have talked to her/him” moments that take place here everyday? How cool! This seemed especially useful in the hipster zones I lived in at that time, where being seen and getting attention were primary goals.
From time to time I posted some missed connections, mostly as a goof - very high-flown and literary descriptions of people I saw. I did not expect or receive responses to these but they were fun to write and read (got some “you made me laugh” emails). The thing is, so many people read the site that it is actually way more likely than you’d think that the person you’re describing, or someone who knows them, will see it if you’re specific enough.
I have not posted “serious” MCs often over the years but I have had 3 different girls I described actually respond. This seems like an amazing success rate for such a small sample size. Is it luck, or has it worked for others as well?